It's 0 seconds until Then

We got the call at 12:24 a.m. It was Face Time with me - but I was texting my kid and couldn’t answer. I was telling him just tonight how much he means to me. I was telling him how proud I am of him and what I admire most about him that we had just had an in-person intimate conversation about an hour or two earlier. I had held his face in my hands, his soft ginger whiskers on my palms. I had looked him straight in the eye and told him how I felt. And he told me things about his life that felt so painful for a mother to hear.

But everyone left the party happy and feeling warm and loved from having fun and sharing laughs and jovial conversation.

And then we got the call. We were just settling in to bed. The cat, she climbed up on my chest like she always does, licking my chin to let me know how much she loves me. And the TV was glowing and not entertaining and we were tired from the busy day.

And then we got the call. The unbelievable call that you never expect. The call that you think will be about your ailing parent or aunt or uncle. The older ones. The ones who have had their full life—but it’s never full enough.

It’s 0 seconds until then.

It’s 0 seconds until you learn that your baby brother passed away. Right in front of her own eyes. Right in front of her sons eyes. Eyes that can’t believe what they’re seeing. Eyes that can’t believe what’s happening right before them.

It’s 0 seconds until it could happen to you or to me. It’s 0 seconds until everything you’ve known for all of your life is gone. Change.

They’d just been here a month before. First time in twenty years.

First time in twenty years.

Not serendipity necessarily. But time that was good to be spent.

0 seconds.

Don’t wait...

Unbelievable.

Hearts broken...

0 seconds.

Life.

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